I hated gym class and I sucked at team sports. So to stay active I started going to the gym in high school. My dad made us, my sister and me, get a personal because we didn't know what we were doing. I didn't like the guy and stopped going once the school year was over. Fast forward to second-year of university, where this high-school honour roll student starts failing classes, anxiety hit me hard. I started seeing a counselor and she recommended that I try the gym, run a few laps. I decided to give it a shot. I started running the track four times a week, before class. Every now and then I'd do some body weight exercises, but my main goal was focusing on running.

I would run 20-30 minutes. I didn't care about miles, or my pace. I just thought about running for this specific amount of time. I'd be tired, but I would motivate myself by thinking about what I had learned in class. Rewards = dopamine release. Completing a twenty-minute run would make me feel better, i.e. rewarding, therefore a surge of dopamine will be released in my brain and I'll be happy. That was my thought process running. It's very basic, but it keeps me going and helps me push myself. Afterall, who doesn't want to be happy?

This did help with my anxiety. I didn't keep up with the daily running after my third year. The typical excuses: I couldn't juggle work and school and the gym.

This year, although the anxiety has since remained at a low, I decided to start hitting the gym again regularly. I got in contact with a great instructor, Rachel, and asked her if she would personal train me. She's awesome (you can learn more about her here: http://www.findyourqueendom.com/). I feel stronger and more confident, anxiety is lower, etc.

And then one day, I felt like I was about to cry during the session. It was super frustrating because you're trying to focus on keeping good form and finishing the rep, and all you can think about is holding back tears, for no apparent reason. I do think I am hypersensitive, I cry at anything. But triceps dips aren't supposed to be emotional triggers. I asked Rachel if she had encountered anyone with the same reaction before. She replied that it's likely that my body is feeling uncomfortable and that's the reaction that accompanies it. I kept that in the back of my mind and didn't think much else about it.

Until yesterday, when I had what I think was an anxiety attack at the gym. Léa and I were doing lunges. I was feeling similar to that day with Rachel, I felt slightly nauseous and like I needed to cry during the workout. I finished doing lunges on one leg, suddenly I burst into tears. My heart was palpitating and I had shortness of breath. I was hyperventilating and I really thought I was going to faint. It's kind of scary when you can't seem to control your breath. Thankfully Léa was able to sit me down and guide me through some deep breathing. I took a sip of water and suddenly felt an adrenaline rush. I finished my workout but it was definitely a weird experience.

Of course, I came home and googled to figure out if this is common with other people. Apparently, the combination the increased heart rate, increased adrenaline, increased sweating and increased breathing rates, which are anxiety attack symptoms, can confuse the body. I also read that these attacks are more likely to occur when you're pushing your body to a point of oxygen debt. You aren't able to catch your breath and feel difficulty breathing because your lungs aren't able to absorb the oxygen needed fast enough.

Thankfully, my sister was able to handle the situation and no one else in the gym seemed to notice. It was embarrassing enough as is, and I can't imagine how humiliating it would've been if the situation had gone further. This won't stop me from working out and pushing myself. I just need to be aware of the signs of anxiety attacks and not push my body to that state again.

I was reluctant to share this story, but I do hope that it might help somebody realize that this is more common than we know and that they're not alone.

I'd love to hear your tips on how you keep your anxiety or mental health in check!

Patty